Setting the scene

As far as cultural buzzwords go, the term “toxic” might be the reigning champion – with “narcissist” and “gaslighting” close contenders for most overused and misapplied.

There’s an amusing irony, too: ever noticed how those quickest to sling this type of linguistic mud often display a few Machiavellian traits of their own?

It’s for this reason that I approach the subject of Toxic Spirituality with caution.

If I’m honest, I almost crossed it off the topic list altogether, mostly because I feared someone I know might assume their actions inspired this post to be written. An entirely rational fear, given that, erm… someone’s actions actually did inspire this post.

There’s a saying that we’re spiritual beings having a human experience – and while it sounds poetic, it’s also profoundly practical.

Being human means being gloriously flawed, occasionally defensive, and sometimes just plain wrong.

Unchecked Ego

Our egos, bless them, are master storytellers. They crave validation, they justify questionable choices, and they’ll happily convince us that we couldn’t possibly be the problem.

And that is the quiet trap within spirituality itself.

The more we talk about light, love, and higher vibrations, the easier it is to forget that light can’t exist without dark.

Growth asks us to look at both – the divine and the difficult – because pretending we’ve transcended the messy bits only makes them sneakier.

The moment we start believing we’re too spiritual to slip into poor behaviour… is usually the exact moment we do.

That’s when we cross into what many call toxic spirituality or spiritual bypassing – using spiritual ideas to avoid reality, deny difficult emotions, or elevate ourselves above others.

It’s sneaky, because imbalance often looks beautiful on the surface – calm words, glowing affirmations, radiant smiles.

Seeing What’s Really There

Before we go further, let’s talk about that word Machiavellian – I like this word because it sounds dramatic, but it’s really just being human. Machiavellian traits can include manipulation, control, and lying.

And yes, we all do this!

A little white lie to keep the peace, a strategic compliment, an uninvited opinion slipped in to sound wise. It’s often (but not always) our scared ego.

Fear is a funny thing. It sneaks into our decisions dressed as logic, self-protection, even intuition. The trick is learning when it’s genuinely guiding us, and when it’s quietly steering us away from growth.

I once read that fear comes in two main flavours: rational and irrational. Rational fear keeps you from petting crocodiles. Irrational fear, on the other hand, can make us avoid perfectly safe things, like honesty or our own reflection.

Fear-based action rarely leads to alignment. When anxiety or our ego, even spiritual ones, drive our choices, the energy behind creates a ripple effect that rocks the boat for everyone.

The more aware we are of that undercurrent, the easier it becomes to move from reaction to response, from defence to discernment.

Recognising when and how we’re accidentally practising Machiavellian traits isn’t an accusation; it’s an invitation. It doesn’t mean you’re “bad” or “toxic.” It just means you’ve caught your ego sneaking itself back into the driver’s seat.

It’s this self-awareness of when our ego is on autopilot; that is where real evolution can begin.

Core Machiavellian traits

• Manipulative and deceitful: Have you ever used someone as a means to an end, or have you lied or used underhanded tactics to get ahead?
  
• Self-interested: Has personal gain ever been your primary motivation? Have you ever prioritised money and status over relationships and morality?
  
• Emotionally cold: Have you ever lacked empathy or had a cynical, unemotional view of the world and human nature?
  
• Cunning and strategic: Are you adept at understanding social situations, and have you ever used that knowledge to their advantage, often with a long-term, calculating mindset?
  
• Cynical and distrustful: Have you been distrustful of others and rejected an inherent goodness or morality?

How these traits manifest

• Charming but insincere: You might appear charming and confident, choosing to use flattery to manipulate others in short interactions.
  
• Aloof and emotionally detached: You have avoided deep emotional attachments and may come across as aloof or difficult to get to know.
  
• Hyper goal-oriented: We might be patient and persistent in pursuing our ambition, sometimes causing harm to achieve our end goal.
  
• Relationship patterns: In relationships, we’ve overly prioritised our own needs, struggle with commitment, or viewed a relationship (all types of relationships) as a convenient tool for our own advancement.

What Is Toxic Spirituality, Really?

At its core, toxic spirituality happens when spiritual principles are misused, consciously or not, to suppress emotions, judge others, gain power/status or bypass personal responsibility.

Healthy spirituality expands empathy and self-awareness. Toxic spirituality shrinks them, turning the path of awakening into a pedestal.

The Positivity Police

“Stop being so negative! You’re not trusting the universe” While positivity is powerful, denying pain doesn’t heal a problem; it just stuffs it into emotional storage, where it festers. True light work means honouring both shadow and sunshine.

The Comparison Trap

When spiritual acts become competitive. Who meditates longer, who has manifested greater abundance, or “vibrates higher” – you’re distracting yourself from your own soul growth.

The “It’s the energy” Excuse

This one’s tricky: using phrases like “I don’t have time for this vibe” to dismiss real-world issues, boundaries, or accountability. Energy awareness allows us to increase compassion, not numb it.

The Instant Enlightenment Illusion

Expecting permanent bliss after one retreat or card reading? That’s like expecting abs after one yoga class.
Real growth happens in micro-moments, not marketing slogans.

Red Flags in Others (Never ourselves, right?)

Here are some signs you might be creating toxic ripples:

• Overemphasis on positivity and denial of disappointment, pain, frustration or anger
• You use spirituality to escape, rather than to explore.
• You secretly feel superior because of your beliefs or practices.
• You equate intuition or higher connection with always being “right.”
• Actions often stem from fear – whether that fear is innate, rational, irrational, or something you’ve learned along the way.

How to Re-Align

When we notice somthing off-key, breathe. You’re already hitting the right notes again.

Embrace the Shadow Work

You can’t heal what you refuse to feel. Journalling, therapy, or just allowing yourself to cry count as spiritual practice, because they bring honesty and light into the darkness.

Practice Emotional Honesty

When you’re sad, say so. When you’re angry, feel it safely. Honouring emotion is the ultimate act of energetic cleansing.

Ground Before You Glow

Before meditation or manifestation, take a grounding breath. Feel your feet, your body, the chair beneath you. Balance the crown (connection) with the root (reality).

Stay Curious, Not Certain

Certainty closes the heart; curiosity keeps it open. You don’t need to “have it all figured out” to be spiritual – we just need to stay humble enough to keep learning.

Choose Compassion Over Perfection

When in doubt, be kind to others and yourself. Compassion realigns your energy faster than any ritual ever could.

Final thoughts

If you’re wondering, I doubt the person who inspired this post has recognised themselves in it. And maybe that’s okay. Because the truth is, this isn’t really about one person at all.

It’s about all of us, every soul who’s ever mixed a little ego in with the journey of enlightenment. Every time we catch ourselves acting from fear, pride, or the need to be “right,” we get another chance to realign.

Also, I should quickly mention that our ego is not something there to abolish (it’s there to protect us), we just need to acknowledge it regularly and work with it.

If you take one thing away from this, let it be this: Our spiritual communities, as luminous as they are, can only be good when we choose awareness over avoidance, honesty over image, and authenticity over perfection.